If you notice that your energy often runs out long before evening and you have done almost nothing, it is likely that your psyche is just worried about unfinished business. In psychology, it’s called Gestalt, an event from the past that we never finished. It simply scrolls through your head (or subconscious) and takes away your strength, overwhelming your memory.
As long as you have these things to do, the emotions you haven’t lived through, the words you haven’t told, and the things you’ve started but didn’t finish for some reason – your energy will be spent much faster. For the sake of clarity, we can give you an example with your phone: you set it to charge for the whole night, but by lunchtime it has already discharged. You can rest, sleep, eat correctly, but do not change anything, because you did not touch the root of the problem.
The explanation of the unfinished gestalt phenomenon is simply ugly: the human psyche likes to bring everything to its logical conclusion. That is, the cases that you have abandoned, simply “hang” in your memory, waiting for the moment of implementation. Sometimes a person realizes them after a short period of time, and sometimes he needs the whole life for it.
Where do unfinished business even come from?
Where did this question come from? The question is good, and the answer will be closely linked to our past injuries. Here are some of the most common reasons for the pending proceedings:
1. You really wanted something, but you didn’t get it.
For example, you’ve been going a long way to getting the job you want, but at the last minute you’ve been turned down. Or you were waiting to move to a new apartment, but your plans were cancelled for reasons beyond your control. The best example is your parents’ holiday gifts: you dream of a new LEGO set, and you are given a toy car and candy.
2. You stopped communicating with a person at the peak of emotions
You had a big fight with a loved one, and you know you stopped communicating for nothing. Or you feel like you haven’t said something. Or just the atmosphere was ambiguous. In any case, you realize that there are still misunderstandings between you.
3. You haven’t finished something
For example, you had a cool business idea, and you started to implement it, but at some point it froze. Or you’ve come to study at a driving school, but for some reason you haven’t got your license handed over, and now you just don’t see it as priority (or you just don’t have the time to do it).
4. You finished the task, but you didn’t enjoy the result
For example, you finished your project, which brought you the success you deserved, but you had to immediately start implementing new plans. Everything seems to be fine, but the feeling that you missed something important does not leave you.
5. You broke the balance between who you are and who you want to be.
Just when you’re a locksmith and you want to be a lawyer, or vice versa. There is dissonance, and even if you are in a highly paid position, you can understand that working is not fun and that’s not what you want to do.
Why is it so important to shut down unfinished gestalts?
Because the past binds you to people, places and events that are ever present in your life. It drags you to the bottom, forcing you to lose every time a familiar scenario in your head.
Thus, for example, when mother is betraying and leaving the family, this can provoke the guy to grow and become full of groundless jealousy, constant control and scandals in his own family. And it does not matter that the girl does not give the slightest reason for such behavior. The quarrel occurs because the guy had to express his grievances to his mother, with whom he had an open gestalt.
Among the unpleasant consequences there are still repetitive dreams, sadness and dissatisfaction caused by memories from childhood or adolescence, the same scenario in relationships, breakdowns on loved ones for no apparent reason, and much more.
How to put an end to the unfinished business of the past
The main thing is to realize that in this case, time does not heal and it is necessary to work through situations from the past with a specialist. But if the problems do not come from childhood and adolescence, and arose recently, you can try to solve them on their own.
1. Fulfill an old dream
Let it be not global, but very small, at first glance even insignificant. For example, get a dog or take a video course.
2. Spend time dealing with a longstanding little household problems
If you realize for a long time that it’s time to bring your apartment to mind, but can’t force yourself to start – make sure you allocate specific day/days during the month when you will take care of household questions. Let it be Saturday or Sunday afternoon. During this time, try to keep up with the maximum: repair plumbing, throw out unnecessary trash, throw away all expired products, food, household chemicals.
3. Sort out interpersonal relationships
If you have people with whom you haven’t fully clarified or closed your relationship, it’s time to stop postponing the moment and do it. Apologize for your actions, try to resolve all conflicts, talk to loved ones about what is bothering you/displeasing you/making you sad.
4. Stop holding a grudge against someone
That’s a big obstacle to moving on. Learn to forgive people and you will make life easier for yourself and them. This is especially true for your relationship with your loved ones.
Don’t be afraid to start talking about what happened a long time ago. If it bothers you, you need to put an end to it. Often people do not attach great importance to situations that strongly affects you. So it is quite possible that after talking about the painful moment from the past, others will rethink their behavior and apologize to you. Well, you can let the situation go.
5. Express your emotions
That’s probably the most important condition for not pulling the weight of the past. We often ignore our emotions, trying to drown them out instead of letting them go out. It does not remain without consequences.
So don’t get carried away with excessive self-control – you’re a human being, not a machine. You feel anger – go to the gym or sign up for boxing lessons. If you want to put an end to your relationship, you should come into conflict with a person, it’s okay. In general, find a way to express your emotions, not to push them even deeper.