Living with parents is convenient and comfortable, but not when a person is old enough to lead an independent life. It is often difficult for children to leave their homes where they grow up, and parents do not rush to let them go. There are many happy families where different generations get along well under the same roof, but is it so useful for “fathers and children” and where can their life together lead to?
Pros and cons of living with parents
As a rule, after the stage of growing up, the family is left with children whose relationship with their mother and father is extremely warm and trustworthy. A person does not want to part with his family and arrange his own life. In such cases, there is no need to rush to look for a job, to establish a life or start a family.
The convenience of living together is as follows:
- You can always get the right advice or consolation from the older generation, feel the constant support from them.
- You don’t have to pay the bills, cook, wash or iron clothes – your mother will do everything by habit.
The downsides include such moments as:
- Excessive guardianship on the part of parents, periodic moral lectures and distribution of unnecessary advice.
- The inability of a son or daughter to make independent decisions, infantilization, and helplessness, which can lead to fear of the future among the younger generation.
- Lack of personal space for grown-up children.
- Difficulties in finding a life partner due to living with parents.
- An adult child’s unwillingness to build a career, find a highly paid job and buy his or her own place to live.
The situation is especially aggravated if there is only one parent, most often it concerns mothers. In this case, mother, in the face of an adult child, finds her meaning of life. The daughter becomes a friend to mother, with whom you can have deep conversations in the evenings, and the son is a protector and support. But these feelings are imaginary because mother does not allow her child to grow up and take responsibility for herself. She does not understand that letting her daughter or son go will help her child become a full-fledged person who will come to the rescue at any time.
In addition, it is often the case that children, even adults, are a link between parents whose relationships are already outdated. And in this case, woman tries to keep her husband at an unconscious level, using a mature child. Mother does not see a future without her husband and children and is not able to identify herself as an independent person.
How to change the situation?
The decision to part ways with parents must be made by adult children. They need to take responsibility for themselves. The first thing you need to do is find a good job, then rent a place to live and let the parents know. Some parents may be upset, while others may be happy.
Often a mature child is afraid to take a step into life on his own, especially if the parents discourage him, manipulate his using their illnesses and put pressure on pity. It is important that a person understands that this is only his life and he has the right to be independent. Over time, both parents and children will realize that this was the best solution for everyone.
For their part, parents need to let their child swim freely if they want to see him/her happy, satisfied with a life with a strong family and healthy children in the future. In this way, they will contribute to his independence and success in all areas of life. It is not worth worrying that the relationship between parents and children can go bad. If before they were warm and close, the distance will only improve them.